I recently read in a post that “anger is a poisonous way to expend your energy and a sure way to show your level of emotional intelligence and self importance to the world.”
I agree with this fully, but often, anger can also be a wake up call for change.
If you are feeling angry about a situation, relationship, job/career issue, or family dynamic, you may want to go within, to that highest version of yourself and ask, “what needs to change to untangle me from this anger?”
Listen, and honor the answer, even if you can't change anything right away… at least you’re acknowledging the anger.
It's best to not project your anger onto someone, but don't try to spiritually bypass it by pretending everything is okay when it's not!
Here’s a good tip… if you're triggered and feeling angry, probably so is the other person. BUT I would NOT point out that they are… not unless you wanna see what happens when you throw gasoline on a fire… you better run if you do that!
I coach my clients to practice being aware when they’re triggered. You know what that feels like… your heart rate goes up, you stop breathing or maybe you breathe really shallow… you may even feel like someone kicked you in the stomach.
The Amygdala, the “fight or flight” function of the brain, causes your blood to leave your brain and go to your hands and feet to either fight or run for survival!
You can’t think clearly... and the words out of your mouth can be lethal. Later on, you may not even remember what you said when you were so angry.
So before you bypass, suppress, resist or project your anger onto someone, calmly let the other person know you are triggered.
Explain that you need to remove yourself to get to the source of your anger, and reassure them you’ll discuss the issue when you are calm and thinking clearly.
It takes at least 30 minutes for the blood to flow back into the brain and for the cortisol to move through the bloodstream, so take a chill pill and wait this out!
This is a really valuable tool…. I use it in all my interactions, and my partner and I ALWAYS use this tool.
We've been together a long time, and I have no regrets in any disagreement or difference of opinion that we’ve ever had… BECAUSE we don't discuss them when we're in a triggered state!
Can't say it was the case in my past relationships, but I’ve learned! Being triggered is SO disruptive, and allowing anger to run your relationships may ruin them, and you find yourself playing the shame and blame game.
So start practicing now. It takes at least 21 days to put a new behavior/pattern in place of the old behavior/pattern.
You have nothing to lose and something new to gain!
P.S. As always if you have any questions feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.